Whatever Sorrow Shakes Series…

His absence was a presence.
Who knew an empty space could take up so much room
Jacqueline Simon Gunn

*Stuart Johnston Order of Service

*Click on the link above to see the full order of service

This is the beautiful order of Service produced for Stuarty’s Funeral, I remember bits and pieces of that day. Mostly though I remember the lyrics to Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars, My Lobster said it reminded him of me but equally it reminded me of him. I guess it was our song together and it was the song that played when I had my last private moments with him. As the song played I stood with my back to everyone this was an almost intimate moment I thought of the all the times we had listened to the song, the beautiful lyrics and Ed Sheeran’s haunting voice. All of the Stars will lead us home. They’ll lead me back to you!

I wrote you 2 letters to you; one which went with you to the stars and will never be discussed, except if the children ask me. But the second I wrote as a sort Ode to Us-

To My Lobster,

Life isn’t a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences instead it’s a patchwork of events that culminated in a beautiful plan that lead us to each other! If I am ever to live in peace again, I have to possess the faith; which the ancient Greeks called ‘Fatum’, which we today call destiny! Our destiny was to find each other, love each other and have 10 wonderful years together! The hardest part wasn’t losing you, the hardest part is yet to come: living without you! Before we met I was tough, brutal at times and vowed never to let anyone in who could ever hurt me! But your love changed me for the better, you loved my flaws, softened the hard edges and accepted who I was, in short, I am a better person for being loved by you! The pain to come is the loss of the person I was with you standing beside me. I never imagined I’d ever write this or have to prepare to live my life without you! The biggest problem everyone has is that they think they have time and we don’t! Tomorrow is a privilege not a guarantee! Seize the day! Missing you comes like waves and at times I think I’m drowning, I think how can life go on without you and how do I live again? And then Boo giggle’s, Zachy says something funny and Lara tries to make me smile! They are your gift to me and world and every day they will make proud, with their courage and strength! Shakespeare wrote, “whoever loved that loved not at first sight” you were that for me, one look and even now I have not a single regret for loving you! I couldn’t have wished for a better husband, father, best friend and ultimately soul mate! You are the life of my life! I’ll finish with a quote from Rumi who we read together: Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form. Go well My Lobster, until we meet again!
Your Lobster xxxxx

I finish with the lyrics of the last song we fell in Love with as a couple on a drive to St Andrews, weeks before he died. The words mean something more now than they did before:

Some day in the sky we’ll see the same sun on the rise yeah…

My love is never gone away

It’s gonna come around someday

I’ll see you again..

LP-Tokyo Sunrise

I will see you again, I believe it with all that I am! Forever Your Lobster!! x

We Made It
His relief was palpable!! But he enjoyed it!

2 thoughts on “Whatever Sorrow Shakes Series…

  1. Oh Karen – this is Not what I think , when I think of you. However, you and I will remember when Dad wrote a short story about losing someone close? We both were in tears.! Same here, when I read what you have written. I know it probably is cathartic for you, but I don’t know if I could read another one. It makes me upset, to think of Stu…..❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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