@myunidays blog competition entry!!
I am a new-born human being at 32 years of age! It happened one sunny and, infamous September day; when I found my husband hanging by the neck from a beam in the garage of our home. He was 28 years old, with no financial problems, career prospects flying, a family life which I believed was happy, stable and, everything he never had! He adored his 3 children and me with every breath and look. Our last words exchanged were “I love You”. With no note; I will never know why he made that choice, especially when everything in our lives was going so well- we we’re planning a Christmas Holiday to Hawaii, which we talked & planned regularly. But behind those piercing Green Eyes, that I fell so deeply and quickly in love with: he hid an internal struggle from everyone. I mistook the mask he wore daily, for his true face!
I was told not long after his death that the leading cause of death of men in the U.K. between the ages of 20-40 was suicide! I later had that confirmed by a Psychiatrist, who said; “the tragedy is that we have no way to reach those that on that terminal trajectory”. And I began to think, NO, this I will not accept, the love of my life, the man I spent 10 years of my life with, the father of my children, is dead and there is no way to reach those like him? So, having been through what I can only describe as a living hell, these past 5 months, I took myself to Singapore. The time alone clarified my thoughts and made me realise, that all things are possible, if they are first thought of; reaching those men, who ‘can’t’ be reached. There has to be a way!
It was in my third reading of David Mitchell’s book ‘Cloud Atlas’, I found the seed! (BTW Read this book- Just Sayin!) One of its many glorious themes is, how every human by our action or inaction, is in fact birthing our own future. I want to plant a seed which springs for a 1000 lifetimes, which results in those so-called ‘unreachables’, not only being reached but guided to the door of life. It’s too late for My Lobster, he is a loss for this world, his heart was generous, his soul beautiful and spirit unique!
This crusade of mine against Male Mental Health Issues being ignored or pushed to the side, I feel can be put into a phrase: ‘A River cuts though Rock, not because of its Power, but because of its PERSISTANCE’. I owe my lobster persistence, to fight his fight and to run in the direction my heart tells me, like Rumi tells us all to. The strongest presence is often in an absence, bodily he’s gone, in my heart he remains forever and my crusade goes on!!
#unidaysrocks, #unidaysyouwantme, #unidaysmakementalhealthstandout, #Gottagetmygermanbetter
Dem Leben sind Grenzen gesetzt, die Liebe ist grenzenlos!!
Apologies to all natural German speakers- its been a while for me but it I think my point is understandable!!
BTW WHO EVER HELPED WITH TUMBLR, YOU LEGEND!!!