The Grief Journey-As individual as each of us is- An Appeal!

A Moment in Time Caught for Ever

Edinburgh Day Out in May 2008

This is my Husband, Stuart, he was 28 years of age, when without any warning signs he hung himself in a self-rigged gallows in our outside garage in the early hours of Monday 11th September 2017. I discovered him after 2 of our three children had left for school, Suicide wasn’t on my radar, I thought he was helping his brother out with his car or worst case scenario for me was he’d walked out and left us. We’d been married for 6 years and were together coming up on 10 years. But I organised my youngest into her high chair with her milk and a rusk, put on Ben and Holly. Then I went out to the garage his Man Cave the sunlight obscured for a moment and then I saw him- hanging from the neck from a beam near the back of the Garage, back turned to me, head tilted down and to the left. At that moment; thinking back I died too! My Grief Journey began here..

It’s difficult for me to imagine the rest of my life without you.

But I suppose I don’t have to imagine it…

I just have to live it…

(Ranata Suzuki)

IMG_5033

He would often cut a rose from our garden and give it to me!!

 

All are Welcome, No Judgement here, Understanding and Support offered!

An Appeal

Please feel free to PM me any stories of your own personal stories and your own individual grief journeys. Pictures are more than welcome too if you feel able and think it demonstrates loved and lost more than words! I’m a true believer that getting these stories out there and the survivors of these individual journey experiences, of sharing, will help those out there; sadly yet to have their world burn to the ground!

Contact me by:

email- karenalee1985@gmail.com

Twitter- Outoffocus44

Facebook- Karen Lee- Johnston My page is completely private due to my job but I can still get PM’s through so feel free to send me one and I’ll add you and we can talk etc.

The Main point of this project is that it becomes a release for all people on the Grief Journey, and hopefully if enough people do engage we’ll build up a source from which; other people can use it to help themselves navigate in the pitch blackness of grief. Grief is personal, its individual and there is no handbook for it, only the experiences of people who have stood there and gone down that path can give you a clue or a tip. But ultimately each journey is different and with much hope and positive energy I felt that collecting all our stories and experiences would be the best way to end the cycle of secrecy, loneliness, and my own personal feeling that I was going mad. Writing it down, talking it out has calmed those fears but it doesn’t take the grief away. But this Project will I truly hope; help those who are searching for an answer we all at some point ask but will never find! Why!?!

The answer sadly is Why Not? and as cruel and brutal as that sounds- Life is just that- BUT- Life is also beautiful and full of incrediable things and those are the things that Grief robs from us right in front of our eyes and therefore, this Project is two fold:

1. To collect the stories from anywhere, everywhere and everyone- No story is too horrible, brutal, sad or pitiful that it shouldn’t be shared. I thought I was mad because I began to see my husband in our home as real as life, in doorways etc and I kept it secret for months, until finally I spoke out and those visions I had left me. I now have had restful sleep and can function.

2.That we as the Grievers find peace somehow through sharing and learn to live a life that’s worth remembering because our loved and lost deserve us to make good on what we have been regiven- A Second Chance at Life. Our new perspective means that the world we see is seen differently, in all its variations and it should be embraced.

Each of us has survived this far and is stronger, braver and unbelievably hurt because of our loss. But bearing it together might just give us that extra nudge that alone none of has. Who knows maybe one us as the key to unlocking anothers journey and vice versa. So I appeal to all WAY members, WAYers with Children, BBSSI members, Young Widowed Facing the Future, UK based Widows & Widowers who I know through Facebook.

But also any berieved from anywhere in the world, you to are included and welcome, you may in fact provide a different cultural perspective or just want to reach out to others across the world who despite the earthly distance; we have something so profound in common!

Though life has fated that we never cross paths again,

don’t ever feel alone.

For we are parallel ….

and I will always be by your side.

(Ranata Suzuki)

Red Sky at Night

Where ever you are my lobster, I always imagine you under the same stars as me, just on the other side of the veil we call life!

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2 thoughts on “The Grief Journey-As individual as each of us is- An Appeal!

  1. Hilary Barker says:

    “Where ever you are my lobster, I always imagine you under the same stars as me, just on the other side of the veil we call life!” That’s beautiful and made me smile with its gentle humour, and yes, life is a veil. I have had so many thoughts since losing my husband, its a strange and different world, the grief has been overwhelming at times, but gradually I am crawling up out of the depths, and bringing him with me, into the light again. We are together, the relationship continues, but in a different way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Slightly_Out_Of_Focus says:

      Absolutely! It is all about crawling from the depths and into the light- at times you want to give up, want to die yourself, think it’s impossible but however hard and unthinkable it maybe- we mostly get there!
      The Lobster part is what we called each other as per names (Corny) I know but life is veil and death is the other side- we are separated but such a thin shield sometime I think I can still feel him!
      I consider my relationship/ marriage- yes to have changed drastically but it continues for as long as my love for him does! I’m glad you found humour there- that’s a very positive sign!

      I wish you well and keep in touch with the blog, your personal journey is amongst the many I’d like to chart to help others in the same place realise that no two journeys are the same, therefore expectations need to be kicked right out the window! Grief for each individual moves at its own rate and often not in a linear way! Therefore a collection of Colliding Grief Journeys will, I hope help from the darkness into the light again! X

      Like

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